Hey guys, I feel like I should give you an update. 

This semester my best friend ghosted me. She just stopped talking to me in January with no explanation, and I can’t think of anything I could have done to deserve that reaction. I mean, I’m not perfect, but I actually hadn’t done a shitty thing. The worst thing that had happened was a minor disagreement about like, a character or policy or something, and that was normal. As someone with abandonment issues the size of Jupiter, I wasn’t doing well. 

The guy I might have started with transferred, and while I don’t actually miss him, I miss the possibility of something. I don’t tend to actually think of dating people, so it was a nice change. 

All of that happened in two weeks, and I kind of broke. I functioned, pushed myself through class, and somehow managed not to go back to doing the stupid shit I used to. It eventually got to the point I wasn’t feeling much of anything, and cheap bourbon became my friend because the burn was one of the few things I could actually feel. 

Therapy helped. I started talking about shit, and I’m slowly learning to function again. I now refer to her as my ex-bestfriend. Tonight I took a big step and deleted her off of all of my social media.

I’m terrified about how this is going to work. It’s me shutting off communication on a situation where she had control. Her parents and grandparents go to my mom’s church (my mom is a pastor) and I don’t want them to cause trouble for her. I just can’t be reminded of her every time I want to send a snapchat to my friends or message my aunt on facebook. 

I’m now going to write an essay that’s due tomorrow. 6-8 pages and I only have an outline. It’ll get done and I’ll kick ass. on it. Sorry to everyone for the long post.

Here’s to healing